Deepak - Trivandrum, Kerala

Name: Deepak
Comments: Me from a typical malayali middle class family cmprises of 4
members. Me dad mom and a sister shes married and settled.
Everyone except me re teachers. I am a design graduate running
my on insttition now working in the areas of animation
web and multi media.

My marriage was on 3rd november 2002. With a well educated girl from a
poor family, She her mother and an younger sister.Her father left from them and started to live alone when these gals re young and ultimately commited suicide. He was very evidently had some mental problems, and a well known fraud. Her mother struggled very much and with the help of her father she managed to survive with these two girls.

Very soon after marriage I hav noticd my wifes nature
very indiferent. According to my custom after marriage
the two people are onesingle unit known as the family.
But from her part its an old concept, every individual has
there own personal rigts. Her salary (just around Rs3000/-)
is her only own. Her ornaments (75 pavans) is her own property.
There is no meaning in sharing, open heartness,
real communication etc. Real eduacated people live there
life like this.

This attitude very soon developd into some kind of doubtfulness.
She afraid my parents, especially my mother going tu take her ornaments.After that she lose her mental stabilty, became very agitated, and naturally after an explosion she returned to her home.
Then I collect every single pie she took from her home and deposited
it in her own account. She was very much happy and satisfied like
a winner.

Naturally she was spenting some money for vegetables and food items.
but she believd and said to her relatives that I hav no money
and shes feeding me. For me it was an insult and after an explosion
She went home. From that moment I hav decided to consult a psychiatrist. After some time staying her home (her sister was not married at that time) she accepted my demand and suggested a name of one of her old teachers. I found him and we go for a councelling. The man concluded she is a prejudist and me a bit too sensitive. She rejected his conclusion and went home.

After some bitter experiences she came back to me as a conventional
wife. She seems a bit matured and her quarrelsome nature was changed a bit. But she need a child. She become pregnant and for 10 months her prejudices never interfered in our life. But after that they come back with more power. Now me too become an enemy. She fought with everyone, her mother sister my mom our neighbours and so and obtained lot of enemies. I never supported her furiousity so me too become a toprated enemy. At that time she accused me off trying to abuse my child. She never allowd me to place my baby on my lap. Because she is a girl. Her father had similar fantasies and he would force her mother wen these girls going school.This was the biggest blow I hav ever got (At this time I happen tu find this forum and heard bout SIF,Mr.Gokul talk to me by fone and gave me a lot off support, Thanks dear brothers) After that she got a govnt job and from then she felt shes very much powerful now could do anything she like.Then she went to her home (Now it is her sister's) on january and staying ther till now. With her moms full support to this lunatic attitude she is enjoying her life in her own way.

Now her attitude is like this. She never go for a divorce or accept it. Because she dnt like tu be a divorcee in society. If I go abroad she will be very happy. If I go for divorce she s more happy because she will become the one and only custodian and decision maker of the child, and nobody in society curse her for seeking divorce.

This is the story. I hav no other way except a divorce petition.
My doubt is the following. My relatives and my wife (thats why she is happy now) believe that Once I go for divorce and if I get it I cant interfere in the life of my child. My wife will be the sole custodian and decision maker of my baby. And she could develop her to the next generation's representative of her familie's attitudes.

My lawyer says, Custodian ship dosent mean that mother is the only respondent for a child. The baby must hav her rights to hav a father, and the father can question a bad decision in court.

IN PRACTICAL WHAT IS HAPPENING?
(My wife dont like tough games in real, So she couldnt tolerate the sufferings of a civil case,I think so)

Pls giv ure opinion